Classic joke thread...

[Solus]

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tn4ueCAGrAU/XOixNGOsu2I/AAAAAAAA3YM/sHmbmKHGZxcsKl3eoj5tbCmIkr8P32JtACLcBGAs/s1600/61292127_2400422710237293_5179531929623461888_n.jpg

[Rastus]

Sounds like a fun thing to try....

[Big Frank]

I better not send that picture to my friends, because if they ever leave me alone in the room with their Google Assistant I'll say, "Hey Google...", and I wouldn't want them to know it was me. Not until after a 15-day mandatory cooling-off period.

[Big Frank]

Something just occurred to me a couple of days ago.

Why does time pass so slowly when you have to fast?

[Big Frank]

I recently got a knee transplant and it turns out the donor was a vagrant. Now I have a bum knee.

[Sponsor]

[Big Frank]

Hello everyone.

It's been awhile since I had time to check in. I spent a week, nearly night and day, getting my new computer set up, and I hate Windows 10. Every app on the whole damned thing wants to gather information on you, wherever you go, and whatever you do. A few days after I had it I already had to upgrade the OS. The Edge browser starts stuff in the background every time the computer starts so CCleaner can't Clean the Crap. And you can't get rid of Cortana, even though no one seems to use it more than a couple of weeks. Of course people have come up with workarounds for both of those. My old computers took me a day to set up, not a week, because everything worked basically the same as the last one.

Anyway, I just dropped in to tell you about this lottery game I was playing online tonight. It's like a crossword puzzle with the words already filled in, and it picks several letters that it checks against the puzzle. The more words it makes with the letters that match, the more you win. I was kind of bored and gazing at the puzzle when I noticed the 2 horizontal words in the center were ADJUST and JUNK. Okay. The 2 words in the middle of the very next game were TAPE and YOURSELF. Adjust Junk? Yeah, I'm sure all of the men on here have had to do that at one time or another. But, Tape Yourself afterward? I'd rather not. I'll take the risk of needing to adjust my junk again later on. I lost both bets but it was almost worth the cost for entertainment value alone. Who needs to make up jokes when the joke is all around us?

Gotta go. See you all again sometime, hopefully within the week.

[TAB]

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom
door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from
within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter
with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you
doing?'

The daughter replied: 'mom, I'm thirty-five years
old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as
I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and
leave me alone.'

The next day, the girl's father heard the samebuzz
coming from the other side of the closed bedroom
door. Upon entering the room, he observed his
daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter
said: 'dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this
thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a
husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'

A couple days later, the wife came home from a
shopping trip,
placed the groceries on the kitchen
counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from,
of all places, the living room. She entered that
area and observed her husband sitting on the couch,
downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.

The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing
like crazy.

The wife asked: 'What the f@!* are you doing?'

The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my
son-in-law

[TAB]

A woman awakes during the night, and her husband isn't in bed with her. 
She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. 
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she asks. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" 
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes, I do," she replies smiling. 
Sniffling a little bit he continues.. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" 
"Yes, I remember," says the wife, loweringherself into a chair beside him. 
The husband continues, "Do you rememberwhen he shoved that shotgun in my face andsaid, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?" 
"I remember that, too," she replies softly. 
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today."

[Big Frank]

This is no joke but I'll post it here anyway. Just 2 weeks ago today it got up to 66 degrees. Lots of people were walking around with no coat on, and I even saw a couple of them wearing shorts. Today it's been snowing all day and they're predicting up to 8" by midnight.  Let that sink in a moment. It was 66 degrees one day then it's snowing up to 8" 2 weeks to the day later. They kept changing the weather alerts, up to 5", 6", 7", 8". When I read the last warning I thought, "That's Pure Michigan." Tomorrow night it's supposed to get down to 8 degrees. What The Bleep?!?! I looked online and found this guy has several spoof videos of the Pure Michigan ads on his YouTube channel.

Warning: Swearing in videos.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsR0DeY7f1g


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThnXrmzerys

[Big Frank]

Here's the real snow day ad if you want to see it.


https://youtu.be/GIXH5RE3Fvs

And more Pure Michigan ads at the official website. The clear spring in the first video is Kitch-iti-kipi and is 300 by 175 feet and about 40 feet deep. The observation raft is attached to the cable so you can wheel it out and watch the big trout swim around the logs. etc.

The only state where
you can experience
all 4 seasons in a single day.
That's Pure Michigan to me.

https://www.michigan.org/pure-michigan-ads