« previous next »
Pages: 1 ... 519 520 [521] 522 523 ... 587   Go Down

Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1361885 times)

Solus

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8664
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 43
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5200 on: January 23, 2019, 04:17:53 PM »
At The Villages in Florida last week, there was a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:
"I Miss Chicago ."
 
Someone broke the window, stole the radio, shot out all four of the tires, added an Obama bumper sticker and left a note that read:
 
"Hope this helps"
Logged
Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!"
—Patrick Henry

"Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters."
— Daniel Webster

Big Frank

  • NRA Benefactor Member
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 9530
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 1071
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5201 on: February 08, 2019, 09:07:26 PM »
You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. -- Proverb

You can catch more flies with s**t than with honey. -- JumboFrank

Feel free to prove me wrong.
Logged
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

  • NRA Benefactor Member
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 9530
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 1071
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5202 on: February 16, 2019, 03:35:37 PM »
Have you ever wondered, What would happen if an anteater mated with a pine cone?

Well my friends, wonder no more!

This my Bing Desktop picture for today reduced to 50% and saved as a jpg. The first time I turn on my computer each day is a surprise. Today I was so surprised I said, "WTF?", which is my normal reaction when I see a picture of a pangolin.
Logged
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

PegLeg45

  • NRA Life, SAF, Constitutionalist
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13074
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 1030
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5203 on: February 18, 2019, 01:32:58 PM »
Quote from: jumbofrank on February 16, 2019, 03:35:37 PM
Have you ever wondered, What would happen if an anteater mated with a pine cone?

Practically never.  ;D
Logged
"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

Solus

  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8664
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 43
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5204 on: February 18, 2019, 01:45:59 PM »
Quote from: jumbofrank on February 16, 2019, 03:35:37 PM
Have you ever wondered, What would happen if an anteater mated with a pine cone?


I did.  But mine was part of the tree eating flying insects and other parasites that threatened the tree. Allowed the tree to grow 15% larger and live 25% longer than non-anteater trees....
Logged
Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!"
—Patrick Henry

"Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters."
— Daniel Webster

Sponsor

  • Guest
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5205 on: Today at 06:22:51 AM »
Logged

Big Frank

  • NRA Benefactor Member
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 9530
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 1071
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5205 on: February 18, 2019, 04:55:48 PM »
Logged
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

  • NRA Benefactor Member
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 9530
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 1071
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5206 on: February 19, 2019, 01:45:54 AM »
When someone says, "It goes without saying", why do they go ahead and say it anyway?  ???
Logged
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

PegLeg45

  • NRA Life, SAF, Constitutionalist
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13074
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 1030
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5207 on: February 19, 2019, 12:57:16 PM »
Quote from: jumbofrank on February 19, 2019, 01:45:54 AM
When someone says, "It goes without saying", why do they go ahead and say it anyway?  ???
Logged
"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

Big Frank

  • NRA Benefactor Member
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 9530
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 1071
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5208 on: February 20, 2019, 07:03:38 PM »
Logged
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

  • NRA Benefactor Member
  • Top Forum Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 9530
  • DRTV Ranger
  • Liked:
  • Likes Given: 1071
Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5209 on: February 22, 2019, 12:07:42 AM »
Not a joke. --> The world’s oldest recorded joke dates back to Bronze Age Sumeria, 2300-1900 BC. This joke is in tablets written in cuneiform dating to the Old Babylonian period in a Sumerian Proverb Collection.

Joke. --> Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.

Now we know that fart jokes have been around for 4,000 years, but my guess is that cavemen sat around laughing at farts. Once they developed language I bet fart jokes were soon to follow.
Logged
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher
Pages: 1 ... 519 520 [521] 522 523 ... 587   Go Up
« previous next »
 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk