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Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1363945 times)

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5190 on: January 11, 2019, 07:27:09 PM »
^  That's still funny a week later, but I feel like there needs to be a facepalm emoji.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5191 on: January 11, 2019, 07:29:04 PM »
Why was the blonde staring at a can of frozen orange juice?











Because it said, "Concentrate".
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

TAB

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5192 on: January 11, 2019, 11:18:07 PM »


I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I know they wanted the name of a country?
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I always break all the clay pigeons,  some times its even with lead.

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5193 on: January 11, 2019, 11:48:30 PM »
LMAO.
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5194 on: January 17, 2019, 11:06:39 PM »
Every time I see this picture of a woman whose head doesn't match the size of her body, I think of a powered exoskeleton something like the loader Ripley operates in Aliens covered in an extra-large fat suit. Like she's 2 feet shorter and standing inside that body. Also I find this edit from Aliens highly amusing.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zLnjXIipXY
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5195 on: Today at 07:41:06 AM »
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crusader rabbit

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5195 on: January 18, 2019, 07:43:48 AM »
A guy coming out of a 7-11 notices a funeral procession coming slowly down the street.  It looks a peculiar to him since there are two hearses followed by a gentleman walking his dog.  They, in turn, are followed by a line of 122 men walking in single file.

His curiosity piqued, the guy approaches the gentleman with the dog and says, "I know this is a difficult time, but I was wondering just what is going on, here?"

The gentleman tells him, "Earlier this week my wife and I got into an argument that escalated into a real shouting match.  My dog happened to come into the house, and in a very protective way attacked and killed my wife.  She's in that first hearse."

'My mother-in-law heard all the commotion and started screaming at my dog and me.  Once again, my dog came to my defense and killed her, too.  She's in the second hearse."

The guy thoughtfully considers information news and says to the gentleman, "Is there any way I could borrow your dog?"

Looking over his shoulder, the gentleman says, "Get in line."
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“I’ve lived the literal meaning of the ‘land of the free’ and ‘home of the brave.’ It’s not corny for me. I feel it in my heart. I feel it in my chest. Even at a ball game, when someone talks during the anthem or doesn’t take off his hat, it pisses me off. I’m not one to be quiet about it, either.”  Chris Kyle

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5196 on: January 21, 2019, 01:23:16 PM »
CR, that was good.  ;D ;D


There was a middle aged guy who bought a brand new Mercedes convertible SLK.
He took off down the road, flooring it up to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.
'This is great,' he thought and floored it some more.
He looked in his rearview mirror and there was a Florida Highway Patrol Trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blasting.
'I can get away from him with no problem' thought the man and he floored it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph.
Then he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing' and pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the State Trooper to catch up with him.
The Trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man.
'Sir,' he said, looking at his watch, 'My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding; that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'
The man looked at the Trooper and said, 'Last week my wife ran off with a State Trooper, and I thought you might be bringing her back.'
The State Trooper said, 'Have a nice day.'
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5197 on: January 21, 2019, 07:36:45 PM »
 ;D
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

TAB

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5198 on: January 21, 2019, 07:59:49 PM »
Quote from: PegLeg45 on January 21, 2019, 07:36:45 PM
;D
old saying, "my greatest fear is after I die my wife sells everything for what I told her I paid for it"
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I always break all the clay pigeons,  some times its even with lead.

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5199 on: January 21, 2019, 10:30:27 PM »
My greatest fear is after I die one of my friends doesn't clear my browser history before anyone else sees it.   :o
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher
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