Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1357562 times)

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5100 on: April 12, 2018, 11:26:49 PM »
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5101 on: April 15, 2018, 11:11:10 PM »
My uncle emailed me a short version of the Trump Train commercial. I found the full video and had to share it with you.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ukqiltR-90

MAKE AMERICA TRAIN AGAIN.
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5102 on: May 21, 2018, 12:18:54 AM »
Questionable advice.

On premarital sex. Think of marriage like buying a new car. You wouldn't buy a new car without taking it for a test ride first. Or at least taking a good look at the interior.  :o  Just don't slam the doors too hard or the seller will get mad.
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5103 on: May 29, 2018, 06:43:49 PM »
I saw a video today of the top 5 guns that aren't worth the money. One was the SCAR 16 which the guy described as having an UGG boot stock. He wasn't kidding.
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5104 on: June 01, 2018, 06:09:53 PM »
I was looking at e coupons on kroger.com today and had them sorted by the most recent. One coupon was Save $1.00 on Simply Summer's Eve™ product. Right next to it was Save $0.75 on Ken's® Simply Vinaigrette.  :o  Who needs to make up jokes when they're all around us?  ;D
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5105 on: Today at 03:34:54 AM »

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5105 on: June 19, 2018, 09:23:23 PM »
I've seen this unflattering picture on the front page a few times and every time I see her face, I think of my friend Dave. I sent an email saying that, and the pic, to another friend. The exact quote of my friend who never capitalizes anything is, "omg , i thought it was a dude to, and she does look like dave lol".
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

alfsauve

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5106 on: June 20, 2018, 05:09:45 PM »
With retirement coming up fast, we're thinking of getting a pair of dogs.   I'm going to name the Timex and Rolex.    They will be watch dogs after all.
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alfsauve

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5107 on: June 20, 2018, 05:12:19 PM »


    Nancy Pelosi called Chuck Schumer one day and said "I have a plan to help us win the mid terms in 2018 and help us regain control of Congress." "Great Nancy, but how?" asked Chuck. "We'll get some cheesy clothes and shoes, like most Middle Class Americans wear, then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador Retriever. Then, we'll go to a nice old country bar in Montana and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working people living there." So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Bozeman, Montana. With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar.

    The Bartender took a step back and said, "Hey! Aren't you Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi?" "Yes we are," said Nancy, "and what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Chuck suggested we stop and take in some local color." They ordered a round of bourbon for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen. A few minutes later, a grizzled old rancher came in, walked up to the Labrador, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old rancher. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar. For the next hour, another dozen ranchers came in, lifted the dog's tail, and left shaking their heads.

    Finally, Nancy asked, "Why did all those old ranchers come in and look under the dog's tail? Is it some sort of custom?" "Lord no," said the bartender. "Someone's out there running around town, claiming there's a Labrador Retriever in here with two assholes!"

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crusader rabbit

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5108 on: June 21, 2018, 06:42:15 AM »
Late last night I picked up a hitchhiker.  After all, no one should be stuck someplace in the middle of the night.

He said, "I'm surprised you would pick up a stranger in the middle of the night.  Aren't you afraid I might be a serial killer?"

I said, "Nah. The chances of two serial killers being in the same car at the same time is astronomical."
“I’ve lived the literal meaning of the ‘land of the free’ and ‘home of the brave.’ It’s not corny for me. I feel it in my heart. I feel it in my chest. Even at a ball game, when someone talks during the anthem or doesn’t take off his hat, it pisses me off. I’m not one to be quiet about it, either.”  Chris Kyle

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5109 on: June 21, 2018, 11:53:19 AM »
 8)
"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

 

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