Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1357619 times)

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4990 on: December 04, 2016, 01:00:37 AM »
 ;D Thanks to all who have contributed to get this up to 500 pages.
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Rastus

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4991 on: December 04, 2016, 05:35:53 PM »
Tab started the first post and finished up page 499.

It's only right that he posts the first one on 500!
Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom.
It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.
-William Pitt, British Prime-Minister (1759-1806)
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TAB

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4992 on: December 05, 2016, 12:36:58 PM »
Tab started the first post and finished up page 499.

It's only right that he posts the first one on 500!

thanks for the pressure of coming up with a good joke.
I always break all the clay pigeons,  some times its even with lead.

Rastus

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4993 on: December 05, 2016, 07:45:40 PM »
thanks for the pressure of coming up with a good joke.

What pressure?  Nobody said anything about a good joke. 

Just make one like the others you posted.   ;D
Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom.
It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.
-William Pitt, British Prime-Minister (1759-1806)
                                                                                                                               Avoid subjugation, join the NRA!

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4994 on: December 06, 2016, 01:50:15 PM »
Not only have we hit 500 pages, but we're only six replies away from 5000 replies.  8)


Here, this might liven up the festivities:

The marksman of all marksmen....

I present Chuck Norris: Super Sniper

"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4995 on: Today at 06:22:26 AM »

bulldog75

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4995 on: December 06, 2016, 02:47:54 PM »
What do you call a liberal with an IQ of 160






wait for it






The democrat party.
Citizens sleep peacfully at night knowing that rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf - George Orwell

alfsauve

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4996 on: December 06, 2016, 07:32:34 PM »
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV… The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Jack and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?” Jack says, “You know what, I bet he will.” The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.” Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, “You’re on!”
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, “Fair’s fair… Here’s your money.” Jack replied, “I can’t take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o’clock news and knew he would jump.
“The blonde replies, “I did too; but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Jack took the money…
Will work for ammo
USAF MAC 437th MAW 1968-1972

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4997 on: December 07, 2016, 10:39:42 AM »
Forrest Gump goes to a brothel and knocks on the door.
A a voice comes over the little intercom and says, "What do you want?"
Gump says, "I was told I could come here to get a good screwing."
The voice replies, "Well...OK....slide $20 under the door."
He does as instructed and waits.
An hour later he's still standing there, so he knocks again.
The same voice comes over the intercom and says, "What do you want?"
Gump replies, "I want to get screwed."
The voice replies, "What? Again?"


"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

ellis4538

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4998 on: December 20, 2016, 10:21:16 AM »
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation  "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Used to be "The only thing to FEAR was FEAR ITSELF", nowadays "The only thing to FEAR is GETTING CAUGHT!"

philw

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4999 on: January 03, 2017, 04:01:51 PM »
Too soon ??   Lol yep I am back ;)


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Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. The only thing you can’t do is ignore them

 

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