Classic joke thread...

[billt]

I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night (as I often do) and I noticed an individual who looked Muslim with a knife, sneaking through my next door neighbor's garden.
 Suddenly my neighbor came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He then dug a grave and put the body in it and covered it.

Astonished, I got back into bed. As I tossed and turned my wife said, "You're upset, what is it?"
 You'll never believe what I've just seen,” I said. “That son of a bitch next door still has my shovel.”

[Bill Stryker]

One morning three women are golfing on the fourth green when suddenly a guy runs by wearing nothing but a bag over his head.
 
As he passes by the first woman, she looks down and says, Well, he’s certainly not my husband.
As he passes by the second woman, she also glances downward and says, He’s not my husband either.
He then passes by the third woman Joan, who also looks down as he runs by her.
Wait a minute, Joan says.
 
"He’s not even a member of this golf club".
 

[alfsauve]

For many of us, especially the part about the corner.

[billt]

A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile.
The wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do."
He said "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"
Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all
choked up…
"Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.
"Well I am in the gun shop next door to that."

[Bill Stryker]

 Two IRISHMEN are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that Elks have sex 10 to 15 times a day?"
                                                       
"Aww, shit!" says his friend, "and I just joined the Knights of  Columbus!
 

[Sponsor]

[Bill Stryker]

Hillary Takes a Muslim Name......
TERRORIST ACTIVITY HAS CAUSED HILLARY CLINTON TO TAKE MEASURES IN ORDER TO PROTECT HER CANDIDACY FOR THE 2016 PRESIDENCY.
 
 
FOR SECURITY REASONS, HILLARY HAS CHOSEN A MUSLIM NAME.

SELDOM BIN LAYED
 
.......as we get closer to the election, we must remember that we cannot trust Hillary Clinton to create American jobs........
 
The last time she had a simple job to do, she outsourced it to Monica Lewinsky.

[fatbaldguy]

If I'd been her employer, I would've outsourced it too!

[tombogan03884]

Bill always goes with other women, shouldn't America do the same ?

[Steve Cover]

I am sorry that I have not been consistently responsive lately to your emails. I have been somewhat under the weather since my doctors informed  me that I have an acute case of Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic  Whitehouse Fatigue (PIST-AWF).

<<< SNIP>>>

Shamelessly STOLEN!!!

Steve

[Big Frank]

This is no joke.