Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1357538 times)

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5160 on: November 10, 2018, 12:55:21 AM »
Not a joke, just an observation. I've been using Febreze ONE Fabric & Air Mist in my bathroom for the last month or so. It "cleans away odors from both fabrics and the air", and it says on the bottles, "No aerosols. No dyes. No heavy perfumes." No aerosols. No kidding. I already know that, because I have to keep squeezing the trigger to spray it. No dyes. No duh! It's not a good idea to put dyes in something people spray on their fabrics. It "gently removes odors". A bit too gently if you ask me. No heavy perfumes. There are times a person might want or even need heavy perfumes to cover up what happens in the bathroom. Gotta go!
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5161 on: November 11, 2018, 12:33:16 PM »
Not a joke, just an observation. I've been using Febreze ONE Fabric & Air Mist in my bathroom for the last month or so. It "cleans away odors from both fabrics and the air", and it says on the bottles, "No aerosols. No dyes. No heavy perfumes." No aerosols. No kidding. I already know that, because I have to keep squeezing the trigger to spray it. No dyes. No duh! It's not a good idea to put dyes in something people spray on their fabrics. It "gently removes odors". A bit too gently if you ask me. No heavy perfumes. There are times a person might want or even need heavy perfumes to cover up what happens in the bathroom. Gotta go!

"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5162 on: November 11, 2018, 10:35:19 PM »
I used to have air freshener in a tiny aerosol can in my glove box in case I had unnatural gas when I was driving. First it smelled like someone s**t, then it smelled like someone s**t strawberries. I'm not sure which was worse. Ozium works better but I don't buy that anymore. I have power windows and can air out the cab of my truck well enough.
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Solus

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5163 on: November 12, 2018, 12:29:28 PM »
I think it's time for a bit of "Thread Drift"   ;D ;D ;D
Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!"
—Patrick Henry

"Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters."
— Daniel Webster

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5164 on: November 12, 2018, 04:52:13 PM »
I think it's time for a bit of "Thread Drift"   ;D ;D ;D

Sounds like if Jumbo drives by with his windows down, you'll get the "drift" alright.........  :o
"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5165 on: Today at 01:37:24 AM »

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5165 on: November 12, 2018, 05:15:36 PM »
If anyone asks what crawled up my butt and died, I'll say a skunk by the smell of it. It brought tears to my eyes. ---> :'( :'(
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5166 on: November 13, 2018, 01:42:04 AM »
Come on let's drift again
Like we did last summer!
Yeaaah, let's drift again
Like we did last year!
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5167 on: November 16, 2018, 10:45:44 PM »
WARNING: POTTY HUMOR

My doctor pointed out on the Bristol Stool Chart, poop that comes out like a snake is normal.

But mine is coiled up and hissing, and he's getting worried.

Remember, you were warned.
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5168 on: November 17, 2018, 01:11:42 AM »
Can born again Christians change the date on their birth certificates?
""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

Jim Kennedy-ar154me

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5169 on: November 20, 2018, 08:03:56 AM »
Not a joke really but I found it funny. I have to go in for a colonoscopy and I have now heard if referred to as a PCS:

Poop Chute Snoop!

;^)
 :) :) :) :) :) :)
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