Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1357574 times)

Jim Kennedy-ar154me

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5070 on: August 10, 2017, 12:16:10 PM »
When Insults Had Class

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. They have done the rounds before, but they are still comedy gold!!


You do know these WILL be allocated for future use by some of us!

 ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)
The time for action is upon us and the enemy is at our gates. Let us not allow them one more inch of advancement but instead throw them through the gates of Hell.

Rastus

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5071 on: August 10, 2017, 02:06:47 PM »
You do know these WILL be allocated for future use by some of us!

 ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Maybe even on this board........
Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom.
It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.
-William Pitt, British Prime-Minister (1759-1806)
                                                                                                                               Avoid subjugation, join the NRA!

alfsauve

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5072 on: August 10, 2017, 04:53:54 PM »
You do know these WILL be allocated for future use by some of us!

 ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Yes but in the morning I'll be sober
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Timothy

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5073 on: August 10, 2017, 04:55:49 PM »
Yes but in the morning I'll be sober

Speek fa yosef, misser!

""Burp""

Jim Kennedy-ar154me

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5074 on: August 11, 2017, 01:25:59 PM »
Yes but in the morning I'll be sober
Speek fa yosef, misser!

""Burp""

 :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :o :o :) :) :) :) :)
The time for action is upon us and the enemy is at our gates. Let us not allow them one more inch of advancement but instead throw them through the gates of Hell.

Sponsor

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5075 on: Today at 03:48:51 AM »

TAB

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I always break all the clay pigeons,  some times its even with lead.

MikeBjerum

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5076 on: August 31, 2017, 07:47:56 PM »
Why don't you send your wife to Home Depot?

Husband:  I will have this new kitchen done as soon as I get the cabinet doors hung.  Honey, I short one hinge.  Will you go down to the store and pick one up?

Wife:  Sure!

Salesman:  Good morning, how can I help you today?

Wife:  I just came in to get a ... Oooohhhhhhh!  How much is that faucet set?

Salesman:  That is a great set.  It is gold plated and is priced at only $575.

Wife:  Oh.  Well, I'm here to get one more hinge for our new cabinets.  Do you have one of these?

Salesman:  Sure do.  Here it is.  It is only $3.75.  I'll go back to the storeroom and get it for you.

Salesman (from the backroom):  Do you want a screw for that hinge?

Wife:  No, but I will for the faucet set.
If I appear taller than other men it is because I am standing on the shoulders of others.

TAB

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5077 on: October 28, 2017, 04:17:17 PM »
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong."Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?""Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh."Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed.""That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?""I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show.""Sensible" says Jeff."So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw.""And what happened then?"(Paul slumps back over the bar again.)"I kicked her in the face."
I always break all the clay pigeons,  some times its even with lead.

billt

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5078 on: November 08, 2017, 07:34:32 AM »
A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
 
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch. How much will you charge me?"
 Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
 
The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.
 
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
 
"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.
 
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."
 A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
 
"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.
 "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."
 Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.
 "Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

Rastus

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #5079 on: November 08, 2017, 07:41:23 AM »
Bill.  That is just so wrong.  Yer' killin' me here dude.  Arrggghh....paint the car.

HAR HAR.  My wife is gonna hate this one.
Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom.
It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.
-William Pitt, British Prime-Minister (1759-1806)
                                                                                                                               Avoid subjugation, join the NRA!

 

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