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Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1362224 times)

ellis4538

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4800 on: April 21, 2015, 11:33:55 AM »

911 Call

An Emergency Call Center worker in Minneapolis has been fired much to the dismay of her colleagues,
who are unhappy with her dismissal, as they all felt she gave the proper response they were trained for.
It seems that a caller dialed 911 from a cell phone stating,    "I am depressed and lying on a railway line,
so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."

To which the call center employee replied,  "Remain calm and stay on the line."
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Used to be "The only thing to FEAR was FEAR ITSELF", nowadays "The only thing to FEAR is GETTING CAUGHT!"

PegLeg45

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4801 on: April 28, 2015, 11:34:37 PM »
 8)
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"I expect perdition, I always have. I keep this building at my back, and several guns handy, in case perdition arrives in a form that's susceptible to bullets. I expect it will come in the disease form, though. I'm susceptible to diseases, and you can't shoot a damned disease." ~ Judge Roy Bean, Streets of Laredo

For the Patriots of this country, the Constitution is second only to the Bible for most. For those who love this country, but do not share my personal beliefs, it is their Bible. To them nothing comes before the Constitution of these United States of America. For this we are all labeled potential terrorists. ~ Dean Garrison

"When it comes to the enemy, just because they ain't pullin' a trigger, doesn't mean they ain't totin' ammo for those that are."~PegLeg

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4802 on: May 12, 2015, 01:29:18 PM »
Texas A&M Study Calls Obama 5th Best President in American History

From a total of 44 U.S. Presidents, Obama has been rated as the 5th best, according to a study completed at Texas A&M University. The Public Relations Office at A&M released this statement:
"After almost 6 years in office, American academics have rated President Obama the 5th Best President in American History".

These are the results according to Texas A&M . . .
1. Lincoln and Reagan tied for first place
2. Seventeen Presidents tied for second place
3. Twenty-three other Presidents tied for third place
4. Jimmy Carter came in fourth, and...
5. Obama was fifth.....
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

ellis4538

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4803 on: May 12, 2015, 06:10:35 PM »
jumbofrank, that's no joke it's more like FACT!


Richard
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Used to be "The only thing to FEAR was FEAR ITSELF", nowadays "The only thing to FEAR is GETTING CAUGHT!"

Big Frank

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4804 on: May 12, 2015, 06:33:29 PM »
True. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.  :(
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""It may be laid down as a primary position, and the basis of our system, that every Citizen who enjoys the protection of a free Government, owes not only a proportion of his property, but even his personal services to the defence of it, and consequently that the Citizens of America (with a few legal and official exceptions) from 18 to 50 Years of Age should be borne on the Militia Rolls, provided with uniform Arms, and so far accustomed to the use of them, that the Total strength of the Country might be called forth at a Short Notice on any very interesting Emergency." - George Washington. Letter to Alexander Hamilton, Friday, May 02, 1783

THE RIGHT TO BUY WEAPONS IS THE RIGHT TO BE FREE - A. E. van Vogt, The Weapon Shops of Isher

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4805 on: Today at 03:57:34 AM »
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Timothy

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4805 on: May 12, 2015, 08:04:04 PM »
The Patriots Super Bowl rings have arrived...
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tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4806 on: May 13, 2015, 06:15:24 AM »
Why are you perverts so hung up on Tom Brady's ball's  ?
No wonder Gisselle thought it was time to retire .




            (_)*(_)
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Timothy

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4807 on: May 13, 2015, 10:00:39 AM »
Honestly Tom, I don't give two shites about pro sports anymore.  I just got a chuckle out of it...

Giselle can have the left coast dimwit and his balls.

 :o
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tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4808 on: May 13, 2015, 12:57:52 PM »
I'm surprised you feel that way about a Republican from University of Michigan.
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Timothy

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4809 on: May 13, 2015, 01:01:46 PM »
He's from California!  He played for Michigan.  Still don't care!
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